“JOHNSON! Get in here!”
“You bellowed, sir?”
“You’re lucky that’s all I’ve done… so far. About this story you filed for the Sprint Cup race in Kansas…”
“Ain’t it a beaut?”
“More like a pimple on a warthog’s butt. What is this supposed to be?”
“Well, sir, I was thinking…”
“That would be a first.”
“Huh?”
“Never mind. You were saying?”
“Well, sir, I thought that since we’re in the middle of football season…”
“I never would have guessed.”
“… and since more people follow football than NASCAR…”
“… you thought your story might get more readers if you wrote it like you were covering a football game.”
“Wow, sir. How’d you figure that out?”
“I didn’t get to be editor of this newspaper solely because of my uncanny resemblance to Walter Matthau.”
“Who?”
“Never mind. Now, let’s discuss this little treatise of yours.”
“I… I don’t understand, sir.”
“There’s the understatement of the year. But for my own amusement, what is it you don’t understand?”
“There’s no dwarf priestess in the story.”
“No, you digital ink-brain. Not priestess. Treatise!”
“Oh.”
“Now, back to your story. ‘Despite clock management issues and later on a fumble, Tony Stewart scored some much needed points to keep him in the thick of this year’s playoffs?’”
“Well, you know… there was that pit road speeding violation, and then that spin, but he still managed to finish fifth.”
“So why didn’t you just say that?”
“Like I said, sir, I’m trying to get the casual fans interested.”
“The only thing being tried is my patience. ‘Jimmie Johnson suffered a bruised right hip but stayed in the game?’ He wasn’t injured, you idiot!”
“No, but his car was.”
“IT’S A CAR!!! Cars do not sustain injuries!”
“What about Herbie?”
“That was a mov… oh, never mind. ‘Brad Keselowski’s prevent defense helped him maintain the overall lead, while despite earlier signing to play next year for the Home Depot Orangemen Matt Kenseth emerged as the game winner for the Zestfully Cleaners?’ Really?!!”
“Great, huh?”
“Great, no. Grating, yes. Now, due to circumstances far beyond my control
you’re covering next weekend’s race at Martinsville. Just write it up in a normal fashion, will you?”
“No problem, sir. In fact, I already have the headline!”
“Do tell.”
“Martinsville Hot Dog (Race Winner) Cleans Everyone’s Clock!”
“I have got to become a blogger.”
